The English Anticipated…

In these disconcerting times of England being above average it’s good to take a look back to when, season after grim season, we’d scrape a win over Zimbabwe or New Zealand and go on to receive a 4-1 kicking in the Ashes. What better way to celebrate those times than by remembering our ineffectual stalwarts: those players who burst on the scene; made a 30 or took wickets on debut and then slid into a pattern of county successes, anticipation and beleaguered test returns. Push aside your Best 11s and spare a nostalgic thought for the English speculated…

  • M. Lathwell
  • N. Knight
  • M. Ramprakash
  • R. Key
  • J. Crawley
  • M. Ealham
  • C. Read
  • M. Bicknell
  • R. Kirtley
  • An English Shane Warne
  • A. Mullally

One could rely on Ramprakash to hit a lovely innings every fifth game or so, inspiring whispers that he’s finally arrived at test level. Chris Read, meanwhile, would prompt suggestions that he’d have flourished if Alec Stewart, Geraint Jones, Matt Prior and whoever succeeds him hadn’t blocked the way. After their opposing side, the Australian Sadists, had flayed An English Shane Warne and picked up an inevitable duck from Al Mullally we could sigh and murmur, “Ah, well, next time“. At least we’d know there was a next time.

Published in: on October 29, 2010 at 11:43 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

We Want You To Do To Australia’s Batting What The Germans…

This training schedule for the England team is wonderfully surreal…

As well as boxing sessions, the camp in Germany included hiking and abseiling and was rounded off with a visit to the former Dachau concentration camp.

The first three might build team spirit but — Dachau? I wouldn’t want to play cricket after seeing Dachau. I barely want to live after even thinking of the place. Still, perhaps it does the trick. Next April I’ll pay a visit to the gulag at Vorkuta. That might fix my dodgy backlift.

Published in: on October 16, 2010 at 1:27 am  Comments (2)  
Tags: